A Sense of Duty
by zevgirl
Summary: Post coronation and pre Amaranthine. Starts at a party 2 days before departure for Vigil's Keep. . Several chapters to follow, Cousland/Zevran/Alistair reviews welcome
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

He emerged from the warm bath, glistening beads of water dripping wet onto the stone floor. Zevran Arainai: Assassin, lover, storyteller. Elissa could not resist his soft, full lips, his deep, amber eyes, his bronzed, rippling muscles. She knew in her heart that Alistair deserved better than this manner of treatment. She wondered if her infidelity would ever be found out. She hoped not in the near future, not ever.

"I think he is acutely aware of your affection for me, Zevran. He is not stupid." Elissa Cousland attempted to enlighten the elf and then realized he was just toying with her.

"Of course he knows. I would not have it any other way, my dear Warden." She can barely stand the thought of leaving Zevran's suite. Sadly, the dinner hour approached and she needed to get ready. She had to act the loving wife for her dear Alistair.

"Mi amor, lost in thought? Or are you just admiring my exceptionally clean body?" he coyly asked.

"Zevran, I…must take my leave to prepare for dinner, as should you. Please try to control yourself at the King's table tonight." Elissa knew just how difficult it was for Zevran to contain his admiration and lust for her.

"My dear, if you are asking me to be something I am not, please refrain. I will behave as best I can so as not to embarrass you in front of our friends." He walked over to her with his usual saunter and lightly kissed her lips. "Until dinner then, my dear. Oh, and please wear that lovely lavender dress that emphasizes your luscious bosom."

"Zevran, you are impossible." Elissa ran her fingers through his wet, flaxen hair and leaned in to kiss him. Zevran grabbed her and tossed her backward, as if to dance. "Remember this moment," he whispered in her ear. His lips pressed against hers with a passionate kiss. If only they had one more hour.

In two days, Zevran and Elissa would be leaving for Amaranthine. The Vigil's Keep awaited the Warden Commander and her elven assassin. Zevran had agreed to train the new recruits, if only to be at her side. It was actually Alistair who had suggested he accompany her, for her own safety. Elissa did not argue the point, but in a way, had hoped Zevran would refuse. It would make it easier for her to leave everything behind and focus on her new duties as Warden Commander. But who was she kidding? Only herself.

The dining room of the castle was bustling as usual. A fine spread lay across the table, which had seating for as many as forty people. Tonight, however, there would only be less than ten, or so she thought. The servants brought out countless decanters and wine glasses. Breads, desserts, fish and meats of every variety were placed on the grand table. As Elissa stood in the doorway, she tried to fathom why there was so much food put out. Unannounced guests, she supposed.

This would be one of the last nights to sample all of this royal opulence. Would she miss it all she wondered? She would definitely miss her daily baths and the endless supply of gourmet food. She examined every part of the dining room so as not to forget the sight. The days to come would be arduous and fond memories would be needed for sanity.

Elissa was the first to arrive for dinner. She decided to wait for someone, anyone, to join her before she made her entrance. She wondered where Alistair had been. He usually accompanied her, hand in hand, to the table as they were announced. Tonight she would have to go in solo.

Without warning, someone had snuck up behind her. "Mi amor, I am flattered that you heeded my suggestion and wore this fine dress. I have never seen you look lovelier," Zevran whispered in her ear.

"Zevran, please do not sneak up and scare me so. You know how I hate being startled. You rogues are all….." but then she trailed off. At that moment, she saw Alistair coming across the room with purpose, eyes full of worship and desire. Alistair embraced her and pulled her away from Zevran's proximity.

"Darling wife, you look stunningly beautiful tonight. I am a very lucky man, indeed." Alistair never took his eyes off Elissa to ask Zevran a question. "And Zev, how are you this evening?"

"Very well, your Royal Highness, although I might ask for more silk sheets in my suite tonight. The ones on my bed are in need of changing after frolicking about with..."

Alistair cut him off. "Yes, yes. You can just tell one of those maids you are so fond of. I am not your man servant, you know. Come my love, and let us partake of this wonderful celebration I have planned."

Elissa looked at Alistair and giggled at his comment. She eyed Zevran, who was none too pleased to be made fun of. Zevran opened his mouth to speak but held his tongue, for her sake.

"Celebration? What is it that we are celebrating, Alistair? Not my departure for Amaranthine I hope?" She wasn't sure what to make of this development. Why would he plan a party for her when he knew she hated being the center of attention? _Zevran would never do this to me, _she thought.

"Well, my love, you are partially correct. I thought you might enjoy the company of some good friends before you take your leave. I took the liberty of inviting your favorite people for dinner. Honored guests, come in, please come in!**" **Alistair shouted towards the entry doors.

Elissa could not believe what she was hearing. _A party for me? He is trying to be sweet, but a party? Maker's breath._

The first person she noticed was Sten. Giant, looming Sten the Qunari. He was hard to miss. Behind him came Oghren, then Wynne, and Leliana. She looked over to where she had left Zevran, but he was nowhere in sight. _Now that I need him, he had disappeared. Great._

"Elissa, my dear, dear friend! It is so good to see you! And looking so pretty and feminine, too. I guess my influence has rubbed off on you a bit, no?" _Leliana. Such a...__girl__. I guess she did rub off on me a bit_. She noticed Alistair grinning from ear to ear. He thought the party was a success before it had even begun. Who was she to let him down?

"Kadan. It is good to see you. You have been well?" Sten inquired.

"Very well. And you, Sten?"

"What exactly is your question, Kadan?" he asked with barely a lips movement.

"You. Have you been well too?"

"Yes." He spoke in brief, matter of fact sentences. It is what she loved most about him. He could make her believe anything he said was true with his brevity. "Where are these cookies I have heard so much about?" At that, he went off in search of confections.

The next guests to appear were from the more political set. Handsome Bann Teagan came in with his blushing bride Kaitlyn. The Mayor of Denerim, the Arl of Amaranthine, and other dignitaries arrived. Lady Isolde followed Teagan. Elissa thought Isolde had some nerve showing her face here after her cruel treatment of Alistair during his childhood. Of course, Alistair had forgiven her trespasses; he could do no less. But Elissa never forgave such a grievous act.

Alistair stared in Elissa's direction, assessing her reaction the party. He was very proud of this gathering he had put together. Elissa loved his caring and unselfish ways. Who wouldn't adore this man? He was considerate, attentive, loving and most of all, extraordinarily handsome. Alistair was the embodiment of a great warrior wrapped in the blanket of a young boy. He shielded her from the harsh realities of life. He comforted her when she was hurt, always there for her with a shoulder to cry on. He had silly jokes at the ready or a goofy one-liner when she needed a laugh. He was all these things for her and much more, even though she could never bear him an heir. Elissa was the luckiest woman alive, by all accounts. She did not feel lucky this night. She felt alone. And anxious.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Alistair approached her with purpose. "So, what do you think of this gathering, my love?"

"Alistair, thank you. It was very thoughtful of you to plan this for me."

"Thoughtful? How about fantastic, stupendous, and awe inspiring?" he said with a slight look of injury.

"Yes, of course. All those things too, dear husband." Elissa smiled a most proper smile at him. He leaned in to kiss her and their lips met warmly. A torrent of memories took over Elissa's thoughts. The day at Redcliff when he told her he was Maric's son, the night he gave her the rose from Lothering, the charming and boyish way he had asked her to lay with him for his first time.

"You are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are everything to me, my universe. I love you," he had declared to her.

"I love you too, Alistair."

"See? Was that so hard?"

He had taught her how to love again, openly and without regret. She owed him so much. From their first meeting at Ostagar, she knew there was something special about him. Why couldn't she be satisfied with her life now?

"My lady, always a pleasure." Teagan lightly kissed Elissa's hand.

"Teagan. It is so nice to see you again. Thank you for attending my party. It is quite an honor. And Kaitlyn, my dear, you look just lovely." Elissa noticed Kaitlyn's green, velvet dress seemed a little snug around the middle.

"Kaitlyn and I…we are expecting a child. Sometime this summer I suppose, right darling?" Teagan glowed with paternal anticipation.

"A child. Well, that…is wonderful news. Congratulations to both of you." Elissa felt that familiar pang of emptiness. Alistair took her hand and squeezed it gently, her sadness reflected in his eyes.

"Come, my love. Let us attend to our other guests. Teagan, we shall speak later." Alistair led her away towards the banquet table.

"Are you alright Elissa? I know how you must feel after hearing…."

Elissa knew what she had to do, what any sane woman would do at that moment. "I am going to fetch myself some wine, Alistair. I may mingle a bit, too." And off she went in search of something to deaden the pain. After she poured her third glass of wine, she made her way to the balcony overlooking the castle grounds. It was a crisp, clear night and she admired the moon coming up over the hills.

"Careful now, Elissa. If you keep drinking at this pace, you will be face down in your dessert, and I do not want to mess my fancy clothes cleaning you up." Finally, Zevran reappeared. And he was using her given name. Not a good sign. He was in protector mode.

"Zevran, where have you been? So much for your saving of me from the unwashed masses." Elissa scowled at him and then laughed aloud at her reaction.

"I think I may have returned a little late, my Grey Warden. Although you do seem to be handling yourself quite well…so far. Your royal composure is still intact." Zevran eyed the room full of people. Was anyone aware of how much she had had to drink? And what of her noble husband?

"Where is the King, my dear? I knew I could not trust him to ensure you behave."

"So I should be acting like a queen, like a good wife? And what if I don't want to behave? What then, Zevran? Will he divorce me? Have me tortured and stoned to death? Banish me to some far off land? I think not." Elissa knew where this conversation was going. Zevran always made sure Elissa did not embarrass herself in front of anyone. He would wisk her away as soon as her armor was down. Zevran could see deep into her soul and he knew the snakes in her head for the same creatures lived within him. They were more alike than anyone knew or understood. That is why she spared his life. She felt that connection immediately and it scared her down to her bones. It also thrilled her to distraction.

"Oh, Zevran, you worry too much. What could I possibly do to ruin this evening. Look around. Everyone is so happy. Eating. Drinking. All this great merry-making. Here, share some wine with me and tell me where you have been this last hour."

"Just say the word if you wish to leave the festivities, my dear. As to your question of my location as of late, may I simply say that I had an errand to run?" His sly smile made her cringe a bit.

"An errand you say? This errand, does she-"

Zevran spoke in a hushed voice. "Ouch, Elissa. An arrow to my heart. There is only one woman for me and she is standing before me in all her seductive glory."

Elissa painfully gazed into Zevran's eyes. "She is with child, Zevran." He eyes fell to her wine glass.

"Ah, Teagan's young thing. Well, good for them, no? This news has caused your…ennui I take it? An heir is not necessary Elissa, you do know this?" Zevran look intently at her.

"Yes, I know. It's not that, really. I just wonder what it would feel like…to have a child and to watch it grow and blossom." Elissa stared out at the moonlit fields. She could not prevent her thoughts from rolling off her tongue. "I have this waking dream, Zevran…of a golden-haired haired girl, darting through fields of lavender and chasing butterflies, running towards me with her arms outstretched and crashing into me, throwing her arms around me shouting 'Mama! These flowers are for you!' and…well, you know what I am getting at."

"Ah, my poor dear. A miniature Elissa romping through a meadow, then. Children are overrated, you know. This child, is she…fatherless?" Zevran could not stop the question before it came out of his mouth.

She was not quite sure what to say. She knew how the daydream ended, but should she tell him? Zevran waited patiently for her to speak. "You may not want to hear how this ends, Zevran."

"I see. This princess…has a King for a father, yes? Maybe it _is_ best you do not continue, Elissa." The sparkle in his eyes faded as he looked toward Elissa's apprehensive face.

Elissa began to speak. "The child runs to her father, and he picks her up in the air with both arms and spins her round.'Faster, papa, faster' and then he drops her down to his eye level, holding her close..."

"Really, do stop this now! I am getting very annoyed with you, Elissa." Not wanting to show his hurt, Zevran turned away from Elissa and started to walk back to the castle dining hall.

"Zevran, wait, please," she implored. He stopped, but did not look at her, his hands resting on his hips. "The child in his arms looks to him and asks 'Why don't I have ears like you? Do these make you hear better, Papa?'"

Zevran turned to face her with glazed eyes. "I…I never would have imagined _this_ to be the end of the dream. I assumed Alistair..." A tiny grin came across his face. "No matter what I assumed. If this is truly what you want, what is to say it must be a dream?" He took her hand tenderly, and his lips moved to her ear. "Come away with me, mi amor. Forget everything else. Make this dream a reality."

Breaching this touching moment, Elissa blurted "I can't believe what has just left your mouth, Zevran Arainai. You would want this? To settle down? With…a family?"

He stood proudly and revealed his soul. "To be at your side, through thick and thin, in all things joyful and sad? Yes, Elissa. I would gladly give up everything for your dream."

"I must admit you have surprised me, Zevran. I thought you would start running and never stop. This sounds like a proposal, my sweet rogue." Slightly embarrassed, Elissa inclines toward him and sighed. "It is you, Zevran. It has always been you in my dreams."

His head reeled from her words. _How long can a moment like this last?_

Not long.

Speaking in a muted tone with words flowing together, Leliana rushed at them. "You really should be more cautious, Elissa. The way you and Zev speak, the…closeness, it can be misconstrued you know. By the way, your darling husband is looking for you." Leliana shot Zevran an evil eye.

"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." Elissa needed to come to her senses now. _Maker, what __am__ I thinking?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The three rogues made their way back to the dining room as Alistair hurried over to Elissa. "What were you doing outside for so long? Your hands are like ice! Here, let me warm them a bit." He took her hands in his and placed them on his chest. "There, better love?"

"Thank you. We were just reminiscing about our travels together...before you became King."

"And before you were Queen, my Grey Warden."

She pulled her hands from Alistair's and took on a serious tone. "Yes. I am a Grey Warden, the Commander, in fact. That is my priority now, not being queen. Alistair, I was thinking of leaving a day earlier than planned. We could get a head start on the travel and thwart any attempts by those who look to challenge the Wardens."

"What? Leave early? I don't think that is necessary, Elissa. One day will not make much of a difference."

"You know as well as I that one day can make a tremendous difference when you are talking about the darkspawn threat. I feel it is in our best interest to leave tomorrow at first light. They need me at the Keep, Alistair. I would rather not arrive to find complete disaster. We also need to recruit every Warden we can, as soon as we can. New threats are surfacing as we speak."

Alistair grabbed Elissa's hand and started off for somewhere more secluded. "Excuse us, please. We need to speak privately." He led her away at a quick pace and she glanced over her shoulder at Zevran. He had a devious smile on his face and a wink in his eye. As they headed towards his study, Elissa pulled her hand from Alistair's.

"I am sorry, Alistair. I did not want to ruin this evening for you, but I just hate all this waiting. After speaking with the Arl, I have a feeling that things may not go as well as expected in Amaranthine. I am anxious to get underway."

"And anxious to leave me, as well? I cannot argue that the events brewing in Amaranthine need attention. I can, however, argue that your desire to leave is sparked by some other incident? Perhaps something that took place tonight?"

Elissa froze for a moment. Had he seen her with Zevran on the balcony? Does he have spies following her around the castle? "What are talking about? Nothing happened tonight. I just…want to take care of business. The sooner I leave, the sooner I will be back." Elissa ran her fingers down Alistair's cheek. She put her arms around him and hugged him with such intensity that he gasped a bit. "Alistair, it will be alright. I promise."

"You always manage to melt my heart, evil woman. I just…hate to see you leave. I thought maybe Teagan's news had pushed you to make this decision. The thought of you not being here with me for weeks at a time saddens me to no end. Ah, but I guess I will just have to visit the Keep as often as I can. Someone has to make sure you are doing your job!"

"Of course you should visit as your schedule allows. I'm sure your Kingly duties will keep you very busy, though. At any rate, we should say our farewells to our guests and retire for the evening. I need to discuss some Grey Warden details with you before I leave." Elissa entwined her fingers with his and led him back to the dining room. Alistair's face was that of a sad, lost puppy. "Do cheer up, husband. I don't want anyone thinking the worst, you know." He tried to smile, but his lips could only turn down further.

Elissa headed over to Leliana and Zevran, who were arguing about where the wine in their glasses had been made. "My dear Bard, it is you who is incorrect. I should know a fine Antivan wine as it passes my lips. Just as I know when a beautiful, Orlesian spy has been bested."

"When will I learn to never argue with a smooth talking assassin? You always win, Zev."

Elissa interrupted their argument. "Sorry to break up this rivalry, but I have important matters to discuss. Zevran, we are leaving for the Keep after breakfast tomorrow."

"You are leaving us? How terribly sad. I was hoping to visit with you longer than one night. Well, I will help you pack then, dear friend. I can go now and ready some of your things if you like?"

"Thank you, Leliana. I guess you know by now what I would take on a journey. You are a true friend. We _will_ say our goodbyes before I leave, I promise." With that, Leliana departed for Elissa's chambers.

"Zevran, can you ready the horses and our packs, please?"

"Why, yes ma'am. And the King, he has not ordered you to stay? Idiot. I would, were I in his shoes."

"Well, you are not, and no one orders me to do anything."

"That is not entirely true, my saucy, little minx," Zevran declared with a slap to her backside.

"Zevran, please just do as I ask and I will speak with you later tonight."

"A date it is then. Shall I come to save you from his Royal clutches?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I will look for you in the stables later. And thank you, for everything tonight."

"No need to thank me, my dear. It is I who should be thanking you."

"Thanking me? For what?"

"For trusting me with your heart. I do not always feel worthy of such trust."

For a moment, Elissa imagined their lips colliding in an indulgent kiss. "Ugh, snap out of it. There will be time for such thoughts on the road."

"What did you say, mi amor?"

"Ohh…nothing Zevran. I...I need to speak with Alistair about my plans. See you later, handsome… And you are worthy. Trust me."

"Famous last words…To the stables with me then!" It seemed to Elissa that Zevran was skipping off to the stables, giddy as a schoolboy. And that made her smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Elissa returned to the royal bed chambers. Her mind was swimming with thoughts of Zevran when Alistair greeted her with a kiss.

"Thank you for a wonderful send off, Alistair. I think the party was a success, don't you?"

"Yes, I agree, love." Distracted, Alistair changed the subject. "You know, Zev seems to be eager to leave tomorrow. Why is that? Is he bored here? In need of some bloodshed? Or is it you? You know, he is very attentive to your needs, my love. Do you not feel this leads him on at all?"

"Alistair, please. Do not chide me. I am capable of handling my friendships without your input, thank you." He was jealous. She did not need this now.

"I just meant that I think his feelings towards you are more than…friendly. I think they run deeper than you would like to admit. And I am the fool, sending him with away with you…for your protection."

"I can handle Zevran, dear husband. Now, let us discuss my plans for Amaranthine."

Alistair reached over and grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling her close. "I think not yet. Let us make passionate love all night until the sun rises, my love."

"But, we have to talk about-"

"Sh. Kiss me, my beautiful Elissa. Kiss me like we are the only two people left alive in the world." Their lips met affectionately, and Elissa tried her best to kiss enthusiastically. Alistair led her to their bed and laid her down. He climbed on top of her, kissing more madly as he whispered sweet nothings. "I love you, Elissa. I love you, always."

His thigh pushed between her legs and her hips rose to meet his. With eyes closed, she imagined Zevran and breathed the words, "Now...now." With forceful thrusts, he showed her his infinite, swelling love. She wanted it to be quick and complete. And it was.

She rolled on to her side, running through a mental check list of chores while Alistair caressed her body and held her tightly.

"I could stay like this forever, my love."

She turned over and brushed the hair from his forehead, looking into his yielding, brown eyes. She was sad, for him and for herself. "I am sorry Alistair, but I need to move forward with my arrangements. I must run to the stables quickly to make sure the horses are ready and to check on Kai in the kennels. I do not trust Zevran with horses. He makes them nervous, you know. Why don't you have a snack and I will be back before you know it."

With a glimmer of hope in his eye, Alistair let her go. "Do hurry, my love. We have much to accomplish before the night is over. And, I will save some of these lovely morsels for you to munch on later."

"Thank you." She smiled and reached for her red, velvet evening robe and departed for the royal stables leaving Alistair alone with his thoughts, and some cheese.

During the walk to the horses, Elissa thought of how much Alistair loved her. She thought of their nights together in camp. The tender mercies they shared together; their desires for a future together. How could she be so cruel to him now, after all they had been through? She detested herself for all of her actions. "Maker, forgive me."

At the stables, Elissa admired the horse she was to ride to Amaranthine. She stroked the black horse's nose lovingly. "You are a beauty, aren't you?"

"Why, yes I am. Mount up and go for a ride if you like." Zevran appeared from the shadows.

"Very funny, Zevran. How goes the preparation for our journey?"

"Smooth a silk, my fearless leader." As he ran his fingers down her cheek, he gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I can smell him on you." Zevran pulled away with distain.

"I'm sorry. If it helps at all, I thought of you the entire time." Elissa sighed regretfully.

"It does not. At any rate, we are ready to depart when you command."

"Please do not be angry with me. I cannot bear anymore guilt, Zevran. I'm a terrible person, I know. A dreadful, selfish, spoiled girl. I wish I had the strength to be honest with him, but I do not, at least not yet. It will break him. I detest knowing that I will be the person to do that to him, to crush him."

"Mi amor, you are not those things you say. Quite the opposite, in fact. And, he is a grown man, is he not? We all have to bear a heavy burden at times. It only makes us stronger, not weaker. He _will_ carry on." She knew he was right, but she hated herself for being the one who would eventually bring on his misery.

"Come. Let Zevran comfort you, my dear." Elissa fell into a warm, calming embrace. He ran his hand down her spine with the softest of touches and came to rest on her backside. As he held her in his arms, she felt completely at peace. She repositioned her lips closer to his ear. "Have I mentioned lately, how much I adore you?"

"Hmmm, maybe, but I don't mind hearing it again, mi amor."

"Oh? Your ego needs some stroking, does it?"

"Not just my ego, you naughty girl."

Suddenly, her Warden senses tingled, but it was not darkspawn this time.

"Whoa! Arainai! Get your hands off my wife!" Alistair lunged at the elf and landed a strong uppercut to his jaw, sending Zevran to the ground with a thud. Alistair grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to his feet. "How dare you paw at her that way? I knew I couldn't trust you, elf! "

As Alistair pulled his fist back to launch another blow, Elissa grabbed his hand. "No, Alistair. Please, stop this! It's not what you think! "

"What? This Antivan whore is groping my wife and it's not what I think? This sickens me! I warned you, Elissa! How could you not see this coming? And here I thought you might want some help packing!"

"Alistair, please. We are friends. He was just consoling me, nothing more!"

"Really? Tell me Zev, is that what you were doing? Consoling my wife, with your hands all over her ass?"

Zevran, still being held by the collar, was about to defend his honor, when Elissa spoke up.

"Stop acting like a child, Alistair. My things are all packed up and at the ready. Let's bring this absurdity to an end, now!"

"Are you insane? Just what am I to think here? You owe me an explanation, Elissa."

Alistair released Zevran from his grips. Blood dripped down the elf's chin from the split in his lower lip. "Blood all over me again. Tsk, tsk."

Elissa took Alistair's hand and tried to lead him away from the scene. "I will speak of this incident in the privacy of our chambers, Alistair."

Zevran knew when to keep his mouth shut, most of the time. "Sleep well, my dear Warden. You will need your strength for the trip, remember." Elissa glared at Zevran for a moment and then pulled Alistair towards the stable doors.

Alistair bellowed back as she led him away. "This isn't over, Arainai. Not even remotely!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

They walked back to the castle in uncomfortable silence. Elissa felt the anger intensify within Alistair, slowly seeping out of his pores. All she could think about was what Zevran has said to her earlier. "Come away with me, mi amor. Forget everything else. Make this dream a reality." By the time they arrived at their chambers, Alistair was outraged.

He spoke with blinding speed. "How could you, Elissa? How could you let him touch you like that? His hands were all over you. You looked so comfortable with him draped all over you. Did you enjoy it? I can't believe this is _happening_. You made me king and married me. You were at my side as queen. Was it all for show? I know you two were close, before we…before we made love in camp that night. But, I thought it was over. Wasn't it over?"

For once, Elissa was speechless. The words were in her head, but she could not verbalize them. _Tell him already. He deserves to know. Don't make this harder than it is!_

"Say something, blast it! What is going on with the assassin?"

Elissa sighed, chest heaving as she breathed out. "Yes, Alistair, I owe you an explanation. Maker, where do I start?" Slowly, the words began to empty out. "Yes, I made you king and I married you. I loved you and I truly thought you would be the finest king Ferelden had ever seen. I knew you needed my help, and our marriage would ensure that I was there for you, to give you guidance when you needed it. I was not sure about the marriage component, mainly because the taint had ruined our chances for an heir, but it was my duty as a Warden, as a Ferelden citizen, to aid you. I did it for you."

"You…_loved_ me? As in _past tense_? What are you saying? I gave you everything I had and you let me believe you felt the same way? Have I been such a fool? This….this is Zevran's fault! If he hadn't pushed you and flirted with you ceaselessly...I should have killed him that day you let him live! I knew he wanted you, but I ignored it. I thought what we had was real, not just…sex! I didn't need a child. I only needed you at my side. I am not stupid. I can see what's going on here." Alistair paused to catch his breath. "Tell me, do you love him? Do you…did you ever love _me_, truly?"

"Oh, Alistair, I fell in love with you the moment we met in Ostagar. You saved me, from the pain I suffered in Highever; you saved me from myself. When we made love, I thought our love would never end, never change. But, all our duties, and the battles, and death, it distorted things over time. After Connor died...I know you never forgave me for his death. I never forgave myself, either."

"You have got to be kidding me? Connor's death did not change the way I felt about you, at all. We made love over and over again, and you told me you loved me! I can't accept that it meant nothing! My feelings for you never faltered, and I trusted you, completely!"

"I know, and I know that I have changed. In the past year, my duties as a Grey Warden, and now Commander, have changed my perspective on things. My Warden duties come first, before all else, just as making decisions as King come first for you."

"I have never put you second to the crown! Besides, you made most of the tough decisions for us all. I _let_ you lead us. You were good at decision making and everyone respected your choices."

"You let me…what? Is that so? What about Anora? You didn't execute her, even though I begged you to do it! She will be a threat one day, mark my words! And what of Loghain? I let you put him to death when I knew we needed more Wardens. He could have been a tremendous help to us, but I let it go, I let you run him through!" Exasperated with the argument, Elissa sat down on the edge of the bed, head in her hands. "By the Maker, this isn't getting us anywhere. Wynne had warned me once. She said this day would come...I'm so sorry, Alistair. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted it to be like this with us."

Sternly, Alistair questioned her. "You didn't answer my question. Do you LOVE him?"

"Alistair, you must understand. Zevran never judges me. He has been my closest confident and friend. He has never questioned me, not ever. He has been nothing but supportive and caring. We understand each, better than you could ever imagine. He sees the higher purpose and does not act impulsively. If it weren't for Zevran, I would have left the Wardens, and you, long before now. He made me realize why this path was chosen for me."

"Oh, and I judge you, do I? So, now the never disapproving Zevran is your reason for living, for saving us all from the evils of this world? How rich. The assassin, who murdered countless innocents, has redeemed himself."

"You know he didn't choose his life's course, Alistair. It's not his fault he-"

"Stop defending him, Elissa! He is a worthless, scoundrel. We would have all been better off with him dead!"

"I know you think I am a terrible person. Maybe you're right. I can't blame you for feeling this way. I should not have let this go on as it has. I'm sorry, truly sorry." She took a prolonged, deep breath and said the words. "Yes…I love Zevran."

"This is beyond belief. I don't even know who you are anymore. Why did you lead me on? I thought you were perfect, uncompromising. I know why you made the decisions you have made. They were all complex and difficult and only you could have made them. But, Zevran? I really thought he was so far out of your league. I thought you were better than that and I fooled myself into thinking you would realize that someday. I guess I should have seen it coming, but I cannot accept it, I won't!"

"Alistair, all I can say is I'm sorry, a million times sorry. But, it is over. I will be leaving for Amaranthine in the morning. I don't know what course of action is the right one now. Perhaps, some time away from each other will help us to think on this more clearly. No one need know of this, not now anyway."

Alistair cried out in anger and fury. "I could have you executed for this, you know? Have you brought up on charges of treason! And the elf as well!"

Elissa looked in his eyes, tears streaming down her face. "Do what you must to me, Alistair. But please, Zevran does not deserve your wrath."

He sighed at his quick tongue. "You know I could never do that to you. But Arainai, yes! He should be tortured and killed for all the anguish he has caused!"

"He did not cause this. I did. Punish me if you must, but I beg you, please leave him be. If you ever loved me, please Alistair, do not harm him."

"Tell me, why shouldn't I exact vengeance on that man? Go ahead, make your case, woman."

"All he ever did was fall in love with me._ I_ let it happen. _I_ betrayed you, not him. Direct your anger at me, Alistair. I could not bear to see him hurt because of my foolishness. Please…I love him, as I loved you once. I won't ask for your forgiveness, just grant me this one act of kindness, please. Let him go."

"What we had was so pure, so beautiful. Now all I see is…darkness, and lies, and…I don't know…what I see." Alistair slumped in his chair, his strength and his heart stolen from him in minutes.

They sat together in quiet stillness. He watched her for a reaction, not knowing what to do or say next. She just stared at him, weeping. He was a broken man. And it was her fault.

Perfectly accustomed to eavesdropping, Zevran pressed his ear ever closer to the chamber door. The words he had just overheard made him edgy, but optimistic about the future, if there was to be one. "This could be a very long night." He stood weapon-ready to spirit her away should the conversation get…more unsettling.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"What exactly are you doing, Zev? Are you listening in on Elissa and Alistair while they…do whatever they are doing?"

"Be quiet, Leliana. I don't want to give away my position."

"Your position? What is going on in their chambers?"

"You must _swear_ to keep this between us. No one should know of this, Leliana, not ever. Do we have an agreement?"

"Yes, but I hope I don't regret this someday. Tell me, what is happening in there? Why so secretive? Is something wrong with Elissa, or Alistair? Do they need our help?"

"Not yet." Zevran proceeded to tell her of the situation. "I'm sure you are aware of my…affection for our dear Warden, yes? Well, now Alistair is keenly aware of it too, and he is none too pleased."

"Oh, no, Zev. What are you saying? Does Alistair blame Elissa for this? _You_ should take the responsibility, Zev. Do not let her have to defend herself to him all night."

"It is not as simple as that, my dear bard. You see, Elissa has declared her love for me as well."

"Maker's breath, Zev! You two have been…consorting, right under his nose? He must be furious with her. Was this going on before their marriage?" Zevran glanced at her, with one eyebrow up. "Of course. Oh my, poor Alistair…I am sure he is grief-stricken."

"Why does everyone worry about Alistair so? He is not a little boy, Leliana. Blind as he is, or was, he has to carry on like a man."

"Zev, he is the King of Ferelden. This is a royal scandal! It is terribly embarrassing!"

"True enough. But no one else knows of this development. I am only here to make sure Elissa remains alive and in good health. Should I need to liberate her, are you with me?"

"Yes, but he will not harm her, you know this, Zev. You, on the other, should watch out for yourself. I imagine he wants you strung up, no?"

"Correct as always, my dear. He mentioned treason, torture and death in the same sentence as my name."

"Zev, you should leave. I will take care of this. Go to Amaranthine and wait for her."

"Thank you for your concern, but I rather think I will stay, just in case." His ear moved to the door for a second time. Then the shouting began again.

"I will not let him get away with this, Elissa! This is an embarrassment to the crown!"

"Alistair, no one knows of this. Pease, let us leave for Amaranthine as scheduled, and no one will be the wiser. They are expecting us and I must go there. It's my duty."

"Duty? Funny, you speaking of responsibility and _duty_. And what of your obligations to me?"

"What do you want from me, Alistair? My blood, my life? Then take it if you must! Here!" Elissa supplied him with her dagger and tipped her head to reveal her pulsing neck. "Go ahead, slice me open, take my life if that is what you need from me! Do it, I beg you, kill me! Release me from this misery!"

His hands were trembling as he held the weapon to her throat. "Maker, I cannot!"

"Zev, get in there!" Leliana pushed him towards the door. "If you don't, I will!"

"No. She will call to me if she needs aid. Hold, Leliana."

The blade fell to the floor and Elissa let out a sigh of relief, followed by uncontrollable sobbing. "Elissa, how did it come to this? This nightmarish ending…I never imagined I would have to say these words to you." Alistair pointed to the exit. "Get out. Take your things and leave and do not look back. Go to Amaranthine and do your _duty_."

"Alistair, I am so very sorry. Let us not end it like this. Let us speak some more, and try to heal some of the wounds we have inflicted upon each other? Please, can't we at least part on more friendly terms?"

"No. You are not my friend nor my wife, not anymore. You are just a Grey Warden to me, a servant of the people. A soldier. Nothing more."

The words injured her deeper than any dagger. "As you wish, Alistair. But I must ask…what do you plan to do…with Zevran?"

"Nothing. I will not be the cause any more distress. Take him with you. I shall never speak his name nor see him ever again. Maker help him if I do. I hope you…will be content with your new life. Now, please, leave me alone, Elissa. Just go away."

Elissa wanted to embrace him, to console him, but she knew it would only worsen matters. "I hope that one day, we can see each other again and the pain will have diminished. Be content, Alistair. You deserve to be happy."

His voice was stronger, angrier now. "I will write you when the annulment is to be finalized. And then you shall be free of my shackles."

"I never felt shackled to you. I _did_ want to be at your side. I _did_ love you, completely. Please, do not forget that." Hatred filled him. Hatred for her, for Zevran, for everyone who knew them. "I…Goodbye…your Majesty."

Her words cut straight through him, as the tears fell on to his cheeks. Elissa turned towards the door, not able to hold back the tears. He looked away, not wanting the see the only person he had ever loved disappear, forever.

Elissa glanced back over her shoulder. He was grieving, void of spirit, weeping into his hands. She pulled slowly on the handle. _I'm so sorry, my dear Alistair. _The thud of the wooden door closing signaled an end, and a beginning.

"Are you alright, amor?" Elissa collapsed into Zevran's arms weak with despair. He wiped away the tears and held her with all his might knowing her pain would pass as the days went by. He would be there when she was ready to speak of the unspeakable. Elissa pulled away from him and looked into his warm eyes.

"Zevran, take me away from here, tonight. We need to leave without delay." She turned to Leliana and reached out for her hands. "I am sorry you had to witness this, my friend. Please, if you could stay here a while, and watch over Alistair? I worry for his well being." Elissa gave her a squeeze and smiled slightly.

"Of course, dear friend. I will help him recover. Be safe, Elissa. And you as well, Zev." The lady rogues embraced and kissed each other goodbye.

"If you ever find yourself in Amaranthine, do visit."

"Try and stop me. You will, no doubt, be in need of my feminine touch by then." With that, Elissa and Zevran gave a slight wave and began their walk through the halls of the castle one last time.

There was no answer when Leliana knocked on the door_. By morning, then. He might be ready to talk by morning light._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

A silent hour had passed since they left the castle grounds. Zevran wanted to make camp and rest before the next leg of their journey. He pulled on the horses' reins, and looked over to Elissa as she rode next to him. "My dear Warden, I think we are far enough away now. We should stop for a respite, don't you think? Tomorrow will be here soon enough and then we can ride the full day."

"Hmmm…what?...Oh, okay, Zevran. You know best."

"What? No argument? Ha, I guess I won't be falling off this infernal beast unconscious after all." Zevran jumped off and presented his hand to help her dismount. Grabbing hold, she threw a leg over the horse's back and slid down, falling to her knees and jerking Zevran downward with her. "So sorry, my dear. You are more tired than you know. I shall feed and water the horses quickly and then get our tent prepared. Here, take my pack and rest your head." He tenderly arranged her on the ground and placed the pack under her wavy, blonde hair. He brushed the strands from her half-closed eyes, hovered over her, and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

As she widened her gaze, a few tears began to fall. "I am sorry I have not yet spoken of this night, Zevran. It was just so awful. I keep replaying it my head to see if I could have changed the things said and done, but nothing could have altered the outcome. I feel so guilty, so…unclean."

"Hush now. Do not punish yourself, mi amor. It is done and he _will_ carry on. For better or for worse, it is in the past, and you can move on with your life, with _our_ life…if that is what you wish."

"What I wish…It is not only Alistair I am thinking of right now…Go ahead and take care of the horses. I'm not going anywhere." She smirked as he led the horses through the clearing to a tree and tied them up. After he provided nourishment for them, he grabbed another bundle and made his way back and set up camp for the night. Elissa was dozing on his pack, but awakened to the sounds of the tent being pitched.

"Oh, thank goodness. I am not in the mood to sleep out here tonight, even with such a lovely full moon." She crawled towards the tent and threw open the flap. "I'm going in. Hurry and join me, handsome."

"Make way, my dear!" Zevran threw out his arms and slid into the tent head first. "Tsk. So slow, you are. Well, here I am. What do you wish to do with me?" he asked with a sultry grin only he could offer.

"Hmmm. I am afraid my body is too weak to do the things I would like to do to you. I am so very tired and achy, Zevran."

"Then I shall have to alleviate your aches and pains. Come and lie down on your stomach. I respectfully recommend one of my famous Antivan massages."

"Oh, yes. That would heavenly." She entered the tent and allowed him to remove her riding dress, which he did quickly and with ease. She inched over to the bed roll and flopped down, laying her face on the pillow and spreading her arms out.

"Just relax, mi amor. Let Zevran work his magic. Ohhh, you are such a lucky woman," he chuckled. He started to massage her back, kneading the tight muscles around her neck and shoulder blades. She sighed as his hands ran down her spine and worked the lower back muscles fraught with tension. He admired the power of her musculature, the curves of her physique, and the pale shade of her backside. Slowly, his hands caressed her firm buttocks, and she instinctively spread her legs ever so slightly. His hands wandered below, feeling her soft, moist spot. "Oh, Zevvvran, your hands _are_ magical."

He bent over and slid his tongue across her ear. "There is more where that came from my dear, if you are of a mind. This is rather like the first time for us, yes? No hiding or sneaking about. Just you and me, and a desire for more."

She rolled on to her back, as he examined her from head to toe. "It's not like you haven't seen it all before."

"Ah, so true. But I still marvel at your perfection." He straddled her hips and palmed her soft, full breasts, gently flicking his middle finger on each nipple. He bent over and ran his tongue along her breastbone, stopping at her navel. She reached up and stroked her hands across his powerful chest, reaching for his shoulders, and then pulled him up to meet her lips. The craving overtook her and she kissed him with all the passion she could muster, their tongues moving in each other's mouths furiously. Suddenly, Zevran jerked back.

"Don't stop now, Zevran," Elissa moaned as she tried to pull him back to her lips.

"I'm sorry, but I almost forgot. You recall the errand I went on before the festivities began, yes? Well, I have something for you."

"For me? What is it? Show me, please. You know I love presents!"

"Patience, my dear. Good things come to those who wait. First, I need to say something." _Take a deep breath, Zevran_. "You have done nothing but show me kindness and respect. No one has ever treated me in this way, never loved me for who I am. On no account should you ever question why I do what I do for you. Just know this; I would do it all again, and again. I am no longer the person I once was, because of you. I thought it impossible, but you have changed me into someone worth knowing, worth loving. _You_ are my reason for existing. I surely would have died had we never met." She sat up with a surprised expression on her face, and he caressed her cheek. Then he reached into his pack.

"That being said, I offer you this." He opened a small silk pouch and revealed a beautiful ring set in gold with magnificent natural ruby in the center.

"Zevran, it's… incredible. Oh, but there is another. A match?"

"Yes, the other is for me. An exact match, except for the inscription inside."

She picked up the smaller of the two rings and read the words adorned on the inside rim.

"I am yours," they said in unison. She lifted her head to catch his gaze.

"Speechless? I know this may seem… reckless, or even selfish, given the events of the day, but I could not help myself."

"No, no….it's…perfect. Absolutely perfect. But, are you sure? I mean…I think it is I who is unworthy of you. I want you to be carefree, not tied down being my nursemaid."

"Bah, woman. I have been a nursemaid to no one, least of all you. I am more confident of this than any choice I have made in my life. And before you ask, yes, it is a proposal, of a sort."

"Of a sort? What do you mean?"

"Well, I assume we will need to take care of this business in Amaranthine and of course, your annulment must be final." Zevran rose up on one knee and took her hands in his. "After your duties are complete and we have slaughtered countless darkspawn, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"What?...Holy Maker! Yes, YES! Nothing would please me more!" With that, he slipped the ring on her finger and she did the same with his.

"There. It is done. Our future awaits, my dear."

"That it does. But, I need to tell you something, Zevran."

"Oh? Overtures of your hunger for me, I hope?"

"Just listen, please. What we have must be completely open and honest. I never want secrets between us."

"Fair enough. I have told you everything about my life up to this moment. Is there something you wish to know about me that you don't already?"

"No. This is something I need to tell _you_. Before the final battle with the archdemon, I had agreed to Morrigan's ritual, remember?"

"How could I forget that night? Your hesitation to agree nearly drove me mad."

"Well, when I did finally consent, it was a purely selfish decision."

"Meaning, you did not want to die. Survival, not selfishness, my dear. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live."

"True. I did not want anyone to die, least of all me. But, what really compelled me to agree was the thought of leaving you...alone. If I had taken the final blow and died, it would have betrayed everything we were together. There were enough things in our past to ruin us both, to make us both want death to come. But together…together we were dangerous, resilient, strong, a force to reckon with. I could not take that away from you. I could not let that die with me. I knew you needed it, and I did too. That night when Alistair agreed, I came to you, wanting to tell you this, but I did not. There was still the chance I would have departed this life by the blades of the darkspawn. I knew that my death would have ruined you, as your death would destroy me. I wasn't thinking of Alistair becoming king or my duty to Ferelden. I did it for us, for you."

"I am…humbled by your admission. And, you are correct, my dear. I would have ceased living had you died that day."

"No matter what comes, Zevran, we are in this together. No Crows, no darkspawn, not even Andraste herself, should come between what we have."

"I couldn't agree more, my dear."

Staring into his adoring eyes, she encouraged him to speak the words. "Tell me, then. Say the words I long to hear come from your lips, Zevran. Please...?"

_Another deep breath_. "I…Elissa, I…love you. I love you, truly and deeply. Ah, there, I said it and I am still here. I did not burst into flames. This is most…enlightening." Pleased with himself, he relaxed his posture

"Thank you, Zevran. That means more to me than you know."

"I am glad, my love. How childish I have been. But, one more question if I may? Why do you use my full name and call me Zevran, instead of Zev?"

"Would you prefer I call you Zev?"

"No, no. I am just curious, is all."

She looked down at the ring on her hand with a broad and beaming smile. She pulled him into an adoring embrace and shifted her lips to his ear. "I call you Zevran because you are not my friend. You are a _part_ of me like no other, you are my soul…you complete me. I love you...And only I can call you that. Got it? Besides, Zevran rolls of the tongue so sensuously. Zevvvrraaannn…See?"

"Yes, it is all crystal clear to me now. We shall have to work on your accent however, but do continue purring in my ear." And purr she did, and not just into his ear. They made love just once that night, but it was long, and sweet, and with the most tender of pleasures either one had ever given or received. As the sun rose with their bodies molded together perfectly, they were at last free. Free to love and be loved.

**Fin**

_*Next stop, Duty's Burden set in Amaranthine._


End file.
